


Monster Inside of my Head

by Aleksandra97



Category: Batman - Fandom, Deadshot - Fandom, Harley Quinn (Comics), Joker - Fandom, Suicide Squad (2016), Suicide Squad (Comics)
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Multiple Personalities
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-07 08:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7707055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleksandra97/pseuds/Aleksandra97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm known for being crazy but they ain't seen nothin yet. Voices in my head are back and I foresee a lot of blood in my future. To pay off my sins, I, Harley Quinn, may have to become one thing I never thought I would be - a hero. "Mister J, where is my cape?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rude Awakening

 

 

> "Wakey, Wakey", the voice says over my head, loud enough for my body to start shaking back and forth. The voice keeps saying something but I can no longer understand what it is, distracted by the massive pounding in my head. Goody, it felt like someone was beating me on the head, which now that I recognized that my body wasn't shaking on its own, may be a real possibility. 

I roll around on the bed, noticing a sticky feeling all around me which I decide to ignore for now. One problem at a time. Cracking my lids very, VERY slightly open, I focus on my sweetheart, Joker, as he leans over me as if checking if I was still breathing. What a romantic, I know! I roll back around but don't get far as he grabs me and says:

 

> "Now, now that's enough of nappy nappy for you, Harley dear. We have work to do and I honestly could care less how big of a hangover you are going through right now. I warned you yesterday to lay off the mimosas and by the time you started reaching for tequila, I figured you'll learn your lesson tomorrow, which I'm seeing you did."

He is looking down at me with an indifferent expression and I know he is frustrated at me for not listening to him. 

 

> "But, Mistah J, we were there for so long and you said I could have fun..." I pout remembering bits and pieces from last night.
> 
> "When I said you could have some fun, I meant kill a coupla gals, help me trick the dealer we were meeting, or something around that vicinity. Not get ridiculously drunk and start a slaughter which is what you did. You know that tequila makes you bloodthirsty, which in your case, is a scary combination. Not that I minded that too much," he laughs, which reminds me how he was just as much a part of yesterday's massacre as I was. 

Seeing all the blood before me and the faces of those who were unlucky to be at the club last night, I sit up in the bed. Once that was accomplished, it registered in my mind that I am actually laying in the bed completely covered in blood.

 

> "Wha-what happened, J?" I turn to Mr. J looking all over him to see whether or not it was his blood.
> 
> "How conveniently you forgot the two men you brought with you here last night and served the tea to in our bed. I must admit that was the best gift you've given me in a while, sweetheart. Seeing those two here in our bedroom and having you slip a wrench in my hand so I can enjoy myself was the best feeling I must say. I was surprised when you continued your tea party with them even when they were no longer breathing. Didn't know you had it in you," he says shaking his head in affection.

At this point I'm green in the face and racing to the bathroom where I throw up all of the contents of my stomach, including my intestines. I keep seeing them erupting from me, ending me because that was what I deserved, that is what I turned into. 

People keep thinking that I am the crazy one, the merciless princess of Crime, but honestly, it's all Harleen, the woman I used to be. When my guard is down, she pushes through me, Harley, and when she's out, she knows no kindness or remorse. She is the scariest part of me and yesterday, I let my control slip and now I, Harley, have to deal with the consequences.

 

> "Now you don't regret yesterday, do you? That would make you look humane and you don't want that, do you?" says J as he steps in the bathroom and hands me a face towel. "Clean yourself up, Harley, and learn to live with the decisions you make. Accept them. Always remember that you are the villain," he continues now looking back at my bloodshot eyes in the mirror, "and villains don't feel remorse. You are Harley Quinn and I created you to be my female counterpart. Killing is in your blood and I am in your heart. And that's the way I like it." He kisses my cheek, turns around and heads for the door.
> 
> "Thank you, puddin'" I say quietly, thinking he didn't hear me when he turns back around and says back, "You and me, H. You and me against all of the world. And we're winning."


	2. Image is Everything

I stand in front of the mirror trying to decide which costume I should wear tonight. Red and black are my colors, always have been. Harleen, I remember, used to admire tight black dresses and red high heels through the windows of fancy stores but had to refrain herself from buying them: A) because of her budget and B) because of her career choice. Poor, poor Harleen.

Now Harley doesn't have problems like that. She, I, has money and her profession just shouts: "Tight is right". That maybe the only thing that Big Blue, Batsy and I agree on. Extra room in a costume is dangerous and in some cases, if it's tight enough, it might just attract enough attention to save your life. With that thought in my mind, I pick black leather shorts and a red crop top that barely covers the bottom of my chest and is frilled out into strings down to my belly button. The top has a heart image on it that matches the tattoo that I have on my neck. To top it off I wear red and black knee length boots on heels that make my legs look like they go on forever. My bleached-white hair is hanging down to my ass and moves with the slightest breeze. I add red lipstick and an eyeliner to my look and grab my mullet. I feel the rush pass through me at what Jay and I are about to do while I head down the corridor. Brad, one of J's lackeys comes running up to me and in the out-of-breath voice tells me that Mister J is waiting for me in the computer room and I need to hurry up. I let the boy get himself together after passing on the message before I say:

 

> "I hate your name, Brad. It's so boooring!" I turn to look at him as both of us start heading towards the computer room. I catch him as he covertly tries to check me out, which I totally understand, but with one look warn him not to do that again. 
> 
> "I'm sorry, Ms. Harley." He apologizes, looking like he's about to cry. 
> 
> 'Hey, relax, I won't say Jay that you tried to estimate the goods, just don't ever do it again. If I catch you, I'll make sure your eyes never see straight. If he catches you, you'll have no eyes left. Just be aware. Now back to your stupid name," I say turning to look forward again. This house is enormous and it takes forever to get from point A to point B around here. 
> 
> "I know it sounds boring, but it's the only thing I have left from my parents after they were captured and taken from me by Batman. They were just trying to feed me, it's not like they wanted to sell the drugs," now he looks mad which is a quite look on him since he looks like he's barely 14 when I know he's 21.
> 
> I stay silent for a second before I burst out into a loud crazy laugh that signifies the Clown Prince and Princess of Gotham City. It's known that once you hear this laugh, start saying your goodbyes because the end is near. Not in this case though.
> 
> "Blah blah blah, Bradley! Your story is as boring as your name! Everyone here lost someone but they had enough mercy in them to do something. Do you know what that is?" I ask him.
> 
> "Forgive Batman?" he asks, reminding me that he may be as innocent as a toddler. 
> 
> "No... Spare us the torture of saying a one-syllable name all day long. It literally makes my mouth taste acid. See?" I show him white foam in my mouth, a trick Jay taught me years ago. Brad jumps back at the sight.
> 
> I laugh again. This kid will be so fun to play with.

We continue our what-now-seems-endless journey to the goddamn computer room. My thoughts flash back to last night again but I quickly stomp on that thought. No reason to go back into that now. 

 

> "If not Brad, what do you think I should call myself?" asks Brad so quietly that I almost miss it.
> 
> "It's all up to you. You are the one with the new life. You can choose whatever name you want. Except for mine. Or Jay's. Or you-know-who's. Besides that, sky is your limit, kid. Go to town!"

We FINALLY reach the computer room and I see Mister J inside wearing one of his finest black tuxedos, looking as handsome as ever. He hears the clicking of my heels and without looking up says:

 

> "I was afraid I would be physically incapable of taking care of our business by the time you got done getting ready."
> 
> "And why would you be physically incapable of doing that?" I say rolling my eyes at him.
> 
> "Cause one can't really pull off a felony at the age of 100 which is how long it takes for you to choose your outfit." He lifts his head to look me in the eyes when he notices what I'm wearing and shoots off his chair like his ass is on fire. He rips off his jacket and cocoons it around me all the while aiming his gun at everyone around us. 
> 
> "What are you wearing? No! More importantly, what are you NOT wearing. There seems to be huge chunks of your clothing that are missing. Where are they?"
> 
> "Puddin', you need to relax. I always look like this. What's happening to you?" I ask, looking at him confused. He seems to realize he went way overboard and backs off. He starts to shout orders and dash around the room collecting his weapons while I wait for him to pull himself together.
> 
> See J isn't just an ordinary boyfriend, he has some serious problems (totally speaking from the professional point of view) so when he does unpredictable things or has an outburst, it is safer to let him cool off and come around on his own. I let him do just that as I turn around and head for my bike. 
> 
> After all, I've got a bank to rob, people to kill and later my karma to cleanse. Busy day, busy day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter will be from Joker's POV.


	3. Transformation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Flashback*  
> Joker talks about how he turned Harleen Quinzel into Harley Quinn

 

Three days after my escape from Arkham, I'm standing in the place that gave me my life and turned me into who I am with Harleen by my side, clutching my arm. Rolling my eyes and sighing in annoyance, I turn to her and look into her big beautiful scared eyes. She knows what is about to happen, wearily watching the acid baths beneath us. 

> "But, Mister J, do I really have to jump in? It doesn't look like something I could survive," she says in her child-like voice, looking up at me. 
> 
> "I thought you were ready to do anything for me," I say irritated by her fear. So much for her promises.
> 
> "And I am. But ya never mentioned swimmin' in acid," she attempts to justify her doubt which makes me angrier. I backhand her and shout:
> 
> "Get out then! Swimming in the acid pool will be the simplest thing I will tell you to do and if you're not ready to do that, then you are useless to me. Get out of my sight and make sure I never see you again."

At this point, Harleen is sobbing and tries to plead with me:

> "I'm sorry Mistah J. I didn't mean it! I promise. I love you so much! I'll do anything for you," with that she gets to the edge of the balcony we're standing on and turns back to me, "I'll do anything."

She jumps into the swirling boiling acid below us and I start laughing. Stupid thing thought I was turning her into a new person. Don't get me wrong, this place gave me the new life but in Harleen's case, I never intended for her to survive the drop. During the therapy sessions and after my break out from Arkham, she has been by my side day and night. And, boy, if that girl didn't almost drive me crazy in that time-frame. Not that I already wasn't but she just made me constantly want to kill myself. I got so irritated by her existence that I found all her relatives and killed them, making sure none of them ever create anything like her again. 

I head towards the exit, whistling a happy tune, finally free of the nagging bug that Harleen represented in my life. I'm almost out of the building when I feel something in my heart. 

A tug.

A slight one that makes me stop and clutch my chest. Never in my life have I felt anything like this. I'm so tempted to ignore it but I just can't. I sprint back to the place where Harleen dropped. Jumping in the acid and feeling the familiar hissing of my skin, I dive in and search for her body. Dragging it out I take time to look at H's face. And I don’t see her anymore. The face and the body are the same, but the paleness of the skin and hair, the slight rise of her chest, her immobile body makes me stop seeing Harleen Quinzel and see HER. Harley Quinn. My Harley. And she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 

Downside, she isn't breathing at the moment so I have to do something about that fast. I start breathing air in her lungs and when that doesn't do much, my mind drifts back to the tug I felt in my heart. I know it was Harley with no doubt. I start following the tug and hearing a slight beating that was coming from her chest. Willing it to keep beating, I start to shake her around like a rag doll, when she finally gasps a big gulp of air and opens her eyes.

Looking into them for the first time I don’t feel so alone anymore. I have her now and I'll be damned if I ever let anyone or anything separate her from me. She is my third weakness, and from the moment of her rebirth, she knew it. She had me and she loved every second of it. Her smile, all malice and insanity, stretches across her face matching my own.

> "Hi Puddin'"

Laughing out loud, I look up to the skies and present Harley Quinn to the world. And I swear I can feel it shiver with fear in response. 

 


	4. Mister J stands for Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's dangerous to make Jay jealous...

> "Puddin', I'm telling you, this couch is the worst! It's hard to find a couch this uncomfortable!" I complain to Mister J who sits opposite of me cleaning his guns.

On the plasma adorning the blood-red wall in front of the couch, the news cast is corresponding about the robbery that took place yesterday. They show some photos from the crime scene that look more like a scene from a horror movie than a real life crime. Not that I'm surprised to see all the bodies, since I was there to take care of more than a half of those. I'm feeling quite proud when they show a photo of the bodies put together to form H+J. That was my attempt at love and romance but it doesn't seem that the people of Gotham City think that way. Haven't they ever been in love?!

> "You know that you leaving that little statement with the bodies is the same as you signing your name on all those bodies or taking a picture with them and sending it to the police..." J chastises me even though his adorable smile makes me think he actually enjoys the sign more than he lets on.
> 
> "So you carving smiles on all those people's faces is so inconspicuous! They will never guess who the smile could possibly stand for!" I laugh putting up my fingers to my mouth and stretching it to match all the bodies on the TV.

Mister J waited a moment before grudgingly accepting that I had a point. I feel better than I have in a while, all the thought and feeling of guilt long gone. Acceptance is a big part of a criminal's life, and I accepted my bad parts as well as my good ones. The bodies on the TV just remind me that Gotham City needs Puddin and I to take care of the roaches like that bunch. Greedy, backstabbing, evil. J and I are not flawless but we always know where our loyalties lie and where to draw the line. 

Few hours later, on our way to the club, I'm thinking of a way to make tonight fun for both me and Jay. As we pull up, I think of one thing that brings both of us immense joy: a game. 

While he heads to the second floor to deal with a client, I head towards the dance floor. Feeling most of the eyes on me, I start dancing to the slow music playing, twisting my body with the flexibility only a gymnast can. I kneel in front of the crowd and feel it get excited. My short golden dress isn't doing much to cover my curves and I don't mean it to. With all these eyes, there's only one pair I care about and I know they are on me as well. This is when the game starts.

i spot a leering beefy guy at the very front, watching me like a cat watches a mouse. I crawl my way towards him, the whole way looking at him under my eyelashes. He seems to be enjoying what he's seeing and by the time I make my way to him, he is openly glaring at me, trying to communicate everything he wants to do to me in a gaze. 

> "Hey there, doll. Aren't you a bit too young to be at a joint like this?"
> 
> "I think I'm exactly where I want to be. And I know you could care less about my age," I admit, knowing that this sleazy block could care less if I was 14 or 40 as long as I looked good. It seems to be the first time at this club, since he doesn't know better than to not talk to the Clown Princess of Crime. Mister J is still looking at me from the second floor balcony, turning his gaze into a laser on my back with all the intensity in it. 
> 
> "You're right... You here alone?" He asks oblivious of what he just walked into.
> 
> "It doesn't matter. You wanna go somewhere private?" I ask noticing how people moved back and away from us.

My partner noticed the same thing and started getting weary. Getting off the stage, I bend as if to fix my shoe, giving him a nice of my ass knowing that would distract him, which it does. 

Hugging me at a waist, he almost lifts me off my feet and drags me to the private rooms in the corner. I smile knowing that him grabbing me just made his situation so much worse. 

As we get to the room, he shoves me on a couch and eagerly jumps on top of me, like he's afraid I'll change my mind and try to make a run for it. 

> "Yeah you like that?" He says grabbing my ass and trying to kiss me simultaneously.
> 
> "I dig your hair. And the skin... You're a freaky little thing, aren't you?"
> 
> "You have no idea." I say smiling to myself.

His octopus hands become too much and I grow quickly claustrophobic. The voices in my head become louder and the need to get out of that one-sided embrace is stifling. I start to push him back, which he ignores. He chose a wrong girl to try to force into anything. 

I dig my nails into one of his arms and his cheek, scratching the skin and drawing blood. He retreats holding his injuries and starts yelling,

> "You bitch! What have you done? You're freaking crazy, aren't you? I gotta kill you for this, you tease!"

He lunges at me as I sit back on the couch, crossing my legs. He doesn't get two steps in when the shadow in the corner of the room, finally speaks up.

> "Now what have we got here?"

Mister J, steps out, looking like a death himself, his eyes promising a world of pain and regret to the guy. 

> "Who the hell are you?!" Speaks out the soon-to-be-dead idiot, who obviously has problems with his vision. 
> 
> "My name is Joker. What is yours?" J proceeds politely.

The deadman finally understands who is in front of him and his eyes suddenly swing to me, realizing who I am.

> "I'm Gordon." He says as he backs into a corner.
> 
> "It was nice of you Mister J to finally speak up. I thought you were gunna jus stand there and watch..." I swallow the rest of the sentence seeing the deadly look directed at me. I may have gone a bit too far this time around and now was the time for me to shut up.
> 
> "Oh Harley dear, I was just seeing how far you were going to let him go. At some point I was thinking you weren't going to stop at all. You know that green only suits me when it's on my hair. But you made me jealous nevertheless... I don't think I like this feeling very much." He says slowly moving towards me and running his fingers down my face. "This is all mine. Say it!" 
> 
> "This is all yours, Mister J." I says meaning every bit of it. 

Gordon, meanwhile, tried to make his way to the door but didn't even get halfway there when J turned to him and raised his gun.

> " And I don't like when others touch what's mine..." He shoots his bullet freezing forever a look of shock and regret on Gordon's face. Then he turns to me and grabs me, knowing that he is feeling the need to reclaim what's his as soon as possible. We head towards the exit and hear the sound of gunshots coming from outside. When J opens the door, we see that Jay's people are havin a shooting contest with the cops surrounding the club. 

Halfway to our car, I see a little girl run out of nowhere trying to get to her Mom who is laying immobile, a victim of the ongoing fight. The girl is crying and doesn't seem to care that she is almost to the bullets. I rip my hand from Jay's and sprint to the girl. We may be murderers but we don't kill helpless kids or old people. Even we have a moral code.

I hear Jay screamin at me in rage and fear to get back, away from the shooting but I keep running. I'm almost to the girl when one of the bullets ricochets off the car and pierces her back. I cry out at the same time as her and manage to catch her as she falls. She's dead in an instant but I still try to squeeze the wound to stop the blood. I know that the bullet was one of ours, and can't help but feel sorry for the girl. Mister J reaches me and puts his hands under my arms, lifting me into a standing position. 

> "Come on! Let go, she's dead, baby. I'm sorry, but we gotta go." He drags me off and away but all I can see that night is the dead girl laying next to her dead Mom, managing to hold hands even after they both stop breathing. 


End file.
